My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
