Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
