I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
