I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
