Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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