dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
