why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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