Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
