Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
