textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Life is so much better after having sex.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Randomize
