you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
