Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
this is an emotional support booty call
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
