i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
vagina is talking i cant
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
