Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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