Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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