so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
