My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
