When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
