A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize