We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
