the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
