why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
