I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
