I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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