flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
