is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize