My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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