it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
