Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
