if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
