Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
im six kinds of drunk right now
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
