My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize