yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I want her autograph on my taint
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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