Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
