I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Omg I joined a choir last night...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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