i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
