The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
