what day is it and did you see me today?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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