I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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