So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
