Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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