Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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