There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
