Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
