The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
