how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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