we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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