I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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