So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
