i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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