my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
