We're like a lot better than the average bears
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
