and i looked up. we had an audience...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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