Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
