Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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