That's when you crack a 10am beer
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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