Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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