I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
