Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
and you fell through a lawn chair
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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