Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
