Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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