I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
