i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
