I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
