oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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