So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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