i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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