hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
