then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
why didn't you poke me back
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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