Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I need a burrito and a hug.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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