I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
