they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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