you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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