I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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