I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
