You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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