You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
