he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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