you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
