when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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