She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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