hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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